After being unceremoniously killed during the opening credits, Nathan Drake reflects on all the cool video games he never found time away from his life of adventure to play. Games like Nuclear Throne, Severed, Crusader Kings 2, and Quantum Break. “Actually,” he gasps with his last breath, “I’m OK with missing Quantum Break.”
After ignoring warnings about dangerous walls, Paul, too, enters Enter the Gungeon. Randy detonates animals. Hyper Light Drifter remains mysterious. And D.J. reminisces about that time he played Yakuza 2.
We try out the Doom and Battleborn betas to see how they measure up to the Dooms and Battleborns of our youths. Randy tries Hyrule Warriors but in 3D, and D.J. embarks on a quest for a gun that shoots smaller guns.
Paul puts his other obligations on hold to take over a beer farm in Stardew Valley. With his 10 billion wives behind him, D.J. plans his new career as a stay-at-home paperweight in Ultimate Kept Man Life. And Randy takes a break from The Division… a Quantum Break, that is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Join us for this very special episode where Paul interviews one of the co-founders of the National Videogame Museum in Frisco, TX.
D.J. decides it’s never too late to learn how to play video games and dusts off 3D Out Run and 3D Streets of Rage 2. Paul reveals shocking dog secrets. Virtual reality sounds exhausting. And The Division continues.
Randy and Paul run into other players behaving strangely in The Division‘s Dark Zone. D.J. can’t stop liking Yakuza 2, but takes a break to share WAR stories (from the future) with Paul. From a distance, an unstoppable deer watches.
On this week’s show, D.J. is mysteriously absent. Instead of investigating his disappearance, Randy and Paul just chat endlessly about The Division, purpz, jumping jacks, and some tidbits from GDC 2016.
D.J. redoubles his efforts to understand what’s happening in Call of Duty: Black Ops III but maybe would rather be hitting things with sticks in Groove Coaster. Paul explains adjustments to monster bone exchange rates in the just-announced Monster Hunter Generations. Randy reminds everyone about Uncharted 1. Peter Molyneux continues.
Randy falls back into one of his bad habits, and it’s not even the one involving plastic guitars. Paul is on better terms with Fire Emblem: Fates. D.J. takes a break in between Yakuzas to shill for Activision, if they even make games still.
Paul and Randy delve into distinguished author Tom Clancy’s latest pet project, the massively multiplayer online shooter, The Division. Meanwhile, D.J. continues his quest to kick every gangster in Tokyo. Also, the new Fire Emblem is confusing.
Paul supplements his actual sickness with motion sickness courtesy of the Gravity Rush remaster. D.J. loves Strike Suit Zero and vows never to play another game in the series, but it’s OK because there’s a lot of dudes in Yakuza that need to be kicked.
How can we accurately judge The Witness to be the best ever made when it’s so good that it causes all other games throughout history to cease to exist, destroying all basis for comparison? Also, reasons why we haven’t started The Witness yet.
The pastel-hued island fills you with a sense of familiarity and security. Turning to greet your old friend, Yoshi, you realize the figure before you is not the cuddly dinosaur of your youth. You freeze in horror as the fleshy mass burbles: “It’s-a me.”
We asked the top robotic minds at Google what the best games of 2015 were. When it turned out AIs don’t have opinions, we deferred to our slightly less robotic stable of podcast hosts. Also, D.J. is pretty sure he’s not poisoned.
It’s been a weird week. D.J. remains in exile in Japan. We’re sad about David Bowie. We’re still having fun with Just Cause 3 and Mass Effect 3. We’re fighting the allure of shiny new games while trying to find time for good old ones. So many feels.
Instead of assigning traditional review scores, we’re now rating games on their lunchtime equivalency: Just Cause 3 is a tasty soup/sandwich combo from Chili’s while Her Story and Undertale are worthy of the endless pasta bowl from Olive Garden.
We celebrate five years of podcasts by answering your questions about PlayStations, questionable roommates, dance hazards, literal game mechanics, regret, and Iron Man. Plus Randy makes the greatest sacrifice of all. But first… (bottle opening noises)